Friday, August 12, 2011
Bub is a Battlefield
In another shocking setback for my fading sense of self, Bub has secured his stranglehold over the entire media of music with a series of brilliant titular manipulations.
From the Beatles (‘All You Need is Bub’) to Taylor Dayne (‘Bub Will Lead You Back’), even Stevie Wonder (‘Part-time Bubber), apparently no musical artist is safe from his infectious lyrical modifications.
It’s not just the lyrics, though, he’s also bastardized the meaning of every song to its very ideological core. No longer are Band of Horses singing about my wife. Nope, it’s now ‘No One’s Gonna Bub Your More Than I Do.’ Blasphemy.
‘The Greatest Love of All’ is no longer about crack cocaine, as the author writes it, or, as my twelve year-old brain interpreted, masturbation (“Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all?” C’mon) It’s all about Bub. The smooth sounds of the 80s, 90s and beyond on K-BUB 105. All Bub, all the time.
So now, ladies and gents, from ABC records comes our greatest Bub Compilation ever, on 2 CDs or long-play cassettes, featuring:
‘Prisoner of Bub’
‘Will You Still Bub Me Tomorrow?’
‘Can’t Buy Me Bub’
‘Crazy Little Thing Called Bub’
‘You Give Bub a Bad Name’
‘Bub the Way You Bub’
‘Can You Feel the Bub Tonight?’
‘When a Man Bubs a Woman’
‘Tonight I Celebrate My Bub’
‘I’ll Make Bub to You’
‘That’s the Way Bub Goes’
‘I’d do Anything for Bub (But I Won’t do That)’
‘I Want to Know What Bub is’
‘How Deep is Your Bub’
But wait, you’ll also get:
‘All Out of Bub’
‘Because You Bubbed Me’
‘Bub Me Tender’
‘You’ve Lost That Bubbin’ Feeling’
‘Hello, I Bub You’
‘A Groovy Kind of Bub’
‘Feel Like Makin Bub’
‘Keep on Bubbing You’
And who could forget these classics?
‘What’s Bub Got to Do With It?’
‘Addicted to Bub’
‘Bub Don’t Cost a Thing’
‘Justify My Bub’
‘Prisoner of Bub’
‘A Big Hunk O’ Bub’
You get all this for just $19.99, plus processing and handling. Order in the next 15 minutes, and we’ll throw in a free Wilson Phillips Greatest Hits EP! Supplies are limited, not sold in stores. Please allow 10-12 weeks for delivery. Illinois residents subject to state sales tax. Order now!
***Shout out to wifey for some of these. Any more you want to post are welcome in the comments =)